Today’s writing prompt asks me to talk about the best gift I ever received. I think it’d be more entertaining to talk about the worst instead.
About two or three years after I started really dedicating my time to playing guitar, my parents decided to surprise me with something. And this surprise just so happened to be on Christmas morning. My family had finished opening gifts… but someone hinted that there was something extra hidden for me.
I eventually found a fairly large box — about 4 feet tall — somewhere else in the house. It wasn’t terrible heavy, so I dragged it back to the living room where everyone else was waiting.
They were so excited. Like… unreasonably excited. And watching every move I made as I started to open the box.
I opened the top flap and saw what appeared to be the rough shape of a guitar case. I pulled it out of the box and it definitely felt like there was a guitar inside of it! Okay, well… now I was excited, too.
For about 15 seconds.
As soon as I unzipped the case, something was immediately off. The smell of paint, glue, and weird chemicals hit me in the face. It was an Esteban Guitar.
If you never flipped through late-night infomercials or QVC (a home shopping channel that lets you buy crap 24 hours a day) in the early 2000’s, then you might not be aware of the glorious Esteban — a classical guitarist who tried to capitalize on a modicum of fame by selling signature guitar starter packs. Go watch the guy play and pollute your mind for an hour with jewelry and other products no one needs.
To be fair, he’s actually a good guitarist and a decent performer. But more importantly, he’s a great salesman! He’s got a backstory where he got hit by a drunk driver after starting his musical career, which blinded him in one eye and made him lose sensation in his left arm for a decade. As a result, he was unable to play guitar for years. It pulls at the heartstrings of any musician. But now he’s back, you see, and he’s brought a line of guitars with him. And each of Esteban’s guitars come with his patented instructional method so that anyone (yes, even you) can learn to play guitar just like Esteban.
I’ve never held a worse instrument in my life. And I used to work at a music store, so I’ve held a lot.
I strummed a few chords. It was almost unplayable. And it sounded like someone had stretched rubber bands around a cardboard box (actually, that might have sounded better). A closer inspection revealed that most of the details on the guitar, including fretboard inlays and even the woodgrain on the top, had been poorly painted on.
I felt so bad. I didn’t know how to tell them…
Luckily, I didn’t really have to. By the end of the day, everyone had inspected the guitar themselves and arrived at the same conclusion. Esteban’s guitar was shipped straight back to Esteban for a refund.
Their heart was totally in the right place. And for that reason, this is a pleasant and humorous memory. But man… that was a bad guitar.
Good morning and happy Monday, friends!
I’ve been spending most of my time these days working on a new project. Of course, I can’t tell you what that is yet.
And I’ve had a really exciting development with my book. Although, I don’t think I should tell you about that yet either.
Oh bother. What can I tell you about?
Well, I did write a post about How to Choose a Magickal Name. It’ll be a two-parter! The first part talks more about the historical precedent of going by a different name in many spiritual traditions, as one of the well-known Ancient Egyptian myths that supports this type of action. The second part (coming soon) will detail different ways you might find inspiration for an actual name. Also, a bunch of people chimed in on Facebook and shared their personal story of how they chose their name, which was really interesting.
I grabbed a clip of my last concert where I played The River is Flowing. You can check it out on YouTube, or as I said last week… watch the entire show on Patreon.
The next concert is going to be at Phoenix Festival in Apopka, FL.
You can get tickets at their website. I’ll also be presenting a workshop… and you can catch Selene presenting one as well!
Also, I’m going to experiment with making some new rune sets soon. I got this really awesome set of antler slices as a gift from Tempest.
I’m going to try my hand at burning these. I don’t think I’ve ever used a pyrography tool on bone before… so we’ll see how it goes, but I know it’s possible. The question is, is my hand steady enough for such detailed work? We’ll see!
I’m about to kick off a new round of interviews for M3. Stand by for the reveal of guests… soon! And I’ve still got one more episode of Season 2 to show you… that is also coming soon. Soon. Soon. Yes, I know. I keep saying soon.
And guys, look what’s finally back in circulation… orange coke. This one used to be called Orange Vanilla, but now it’s called Orange Cream. The flavor is a little different. I always love trying the new flavors, even if they’re weird, but this one is pretty good.
In other mundane news, Yellowjackets Season 3 has started. I’m heavily invested in the latest season of Severance. And we saw Captain America: Brave New World in the theater. I find Sam Wilson to be a much less convincing superhero than Steve Rogers.
That’s all for now… but more is coming! Stay tuned.
Aerik Arkadian 
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